Mother’s Day is Not Just for Mother

tumblr_oqft68B1K21ta0hnbo1_1280For the past few years, I’ve been celebrating Mother’s Day by tweeting ‘Momisms’ – those things my mom said to me and the ones I’ve said to my own kids. But this time around it occurred to me that at least some of them might be useful for business. I know…your boss, co-workers, and employees aren’t your kids. But you do have some responsibility for them, don’t you?

Here’s an annotated selection for 2017.

First, a few from my school years, slightly updated for millennials.

Get your nose out of that (e)book and go find someone to play with.

My mom never knew what an ebook was, but she was right about the books that I – over-thinking eight-year-old – had my nose buried in. (They weren’t even slightly racy. They were math and science. I was only eight and boys were still in the theoretical realm, if you get my drift.) What she knew – and what I’m suggesting now – is that there are things you can accomplish with other people that you can’t do yourself. So, get your face out of your phone and if you don’t have a team or a tribe, go do some F2F networking.

Try it. It’s good to learn what you don’t like, too.

This one dates back to the beginning of my life as a full-fledged teenager. It was mom’s way of saying you could go on a date and it was okay to decide (after it was over) that once was enough. But at least you tried, and your reward was in learning about what didn’t work for you. Being married to dad for a really long time, she wasn’t much help with the more complicated situations, but still, she got her point across… Probably accounting for the first seven pages of my resume. So, risk it, millennials. You don’t care about resumes anyway, so just make everything a learning experience.

Use tech carefully. It goes on your permanent record.

I believed mom when she told me that all that trouble we got into with the principal’s secretary (by messing with her mechanical Fridan desk calculator) would forever be emblazoned in our permanent records. (We were not hacking the cloud, we just tried dividing by zero…) This was, of course, long before you could use STEM and girl in the same sentence. But, that was then, and now there is nothing you want more on your permanent record than the fact that you are an awesome coder, have thousands of followers, and are launching the coolest startup ever next month. Just be careful, because when certain tech achievements get on that record, strange men may start following you. With checkbooks.

The next group of momisms are memories from the beginnings of my own foray into motherhood. If you haven’t gone there yet yourself, be warned: everything your mother said will be right there, just waiting to drop out of your mouth, even as your brain is yelling, “Arghhh, I really hated hearing this when I was a kid.” It’s Mother Nature’s revenge, I think. But I used these momisms when the kids were little, and yet they grew up to be pretty nice human beings.

These are all relatively simple, which is key when you’re dealing with kids. Or stressed-out adults.

Sit up straight. Stand up straight. Be straight with others.

The only failures are the people who give up before they succeed.

Be curious, take initiative. It’ll get you through most of life.

Respect mom every day and you can forget the card.

Make mom happy. Just be a good person.

Experience is a great teacher, but only if you learn from it.

Always ask if you can help clear the table or wipe the dishes.

Ok, that last one might require just a tiny bit of ‘momsplaining.’ What she meant (and then what I meant) is that it’s so much more fun to give than to take. Especially orders. What she didn’t tell me is that it could also be called a pre-emptive strike.

Which takes us to today, which is the day I really get that you never lose your history, but you bring it into everything you do. And, if your mom can’t call to say you misquoted her or, more likely, you totally misremembered whatever that was that caused you to think that, you get to gently edit those wonderful momisms of the past.

Do not hire jerks. They will turn your culture into sludge.

Mom didn’t say it exactly that way, but she was pretty clear when she said, “The company you keep is the person you become.” Or something like that. If you’re an entrepreneur, like me, you want your team to keep the culture clean, open, and welcoming of everyone, no matter their externals.

Give other people credit. Cash too when you can.

It may have been dad who came up with this one, but I’m sure mom agreed. And in full disclosure, they were both union members, so no business owner’s mindset there. Still, whether you’re an entrepreneur, intrapreneur, or worker-by-the-hour, you can give people credit. (And really, if you’re one of those CEOs who takes out 200 times what your average worker earns, just think for a moment about what happened to the Gordon Gekkos of the 80’s. Maybe greed really isn’t so good.)

And finally, the most important lesson of all.

The art of living invariably includes the art of loving. And vice versa.

Thanks, mom. Happy Mother’s Day!

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Being SMART may not be so smart after all. 

christian-rosswag-154067Did you make any New Year’s resolutions this year? If so, I’m guessing that some of them are still in the works, such as those involving goals for the entire year. Are they making you frustrated? It’s no secret that, along with performance evaluations, goal setting is one of those things people never quite learn to love. And yet, setting goals is one of those things everyone (particularly authors and bloggers) expects successful business people to do, despite the fact that successful business people often hate doing things other people expect of them.

But tradition is tradition, so on January 1, I sat down, pen in hand, to jot some notes. And all I could think of was the old organizational command to make your plans SMARTSpecific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound. Back in the day, these were supposed to be the delimiters of sure-fire goal setting. If your goal couldn’t stand up to those, it just wasn’t making the grade.

But this is now, and now is the age of innovation. And, being a lover (and creator) of innovation, I asked myself whether I should still be following the processes of an earlier era. Here’s what emerged…

Specific stayed, because if a goal isn’t specific, how do you ever figure out where you’re headed?

And I kept Measurable, because although I don’t like rating systems, I do like to have some idea of how far I’ve come, and whether I’m still on track.

Relevant made me think hard. When you have a very broad range of applications, or you’re trying something completely new, then relevance may not be known at all during the planning stage, and can only emerge from the process. (For the fashion-aware, consider the problem of ‘orphan’ accessories. I once had a fabulous, but useless, beaded belt that I kept around for ages. Then one day an ensemble appeared in my closet that just screamed for turquoise beads.) Sometimes a thing will make itself relevant just by chance, which is a good reason for having a looser definition of the word.

Then there was Time-bound: a no-brainer because I was thinking ‘goals for 2016’ rather than the next decade or millennium.

Which brought me back to Attainable. That, too, seemed obvious…until I did a quick check in an online dictionary and learned that Attainable things are within your reach.

‘Within reach’ suggests that you can get what you want without a whole lot of stretch or effort. Now, if you keep a scoreboard that you like to decorate with a lot of wins, put plenty of ‘attainables’ on your to-do list. But if innovation and change are what you seek, then SMART goals need a warning label: DANGER: Attainable goals may be damaging to your organization’s ability to innovate.

Focusing on attainable goals could also be a turn-off to the very people who are most capable of handling risk, making discoveries, and creating innovation! Those are the people who rarely ask if something is possible or not. They just go for the goal – asking bigger questions, covering more ground, trying harder, and stretching further.

In Lewis Carroll’s ‘Alice’ books, there was the White Queen who said, “Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!” No one would accuse her of SMART planning – and yet, believing the impossible to be possible is a sure way to bypass the barrier of achievability. Can you imagine what might happen if your goals didn’t need to be achievable? I can.

  1. You’d have nothing to lose. With no one expecting sure-fire success, you could feel free to take some wild-ass swings. Sure, some will be whiffs, but you might just knock the ball out of the park. (Believe it or not, fear is the biggest cause of failure.)
  1. You can still go for simple solutions. If they don’t work, you’ll be right: your goal wasn’t achievable. But you’d be primed to succeed, so you’d try an alternative path. And another, and another. And should you eventually get there, so much the better! (Being right and winning are not the same – but they’re not mutually exclusive.)
  1. You’d forever leave the ranks of the narrow-minded; the people who put the ‘no’ in innovation, joining instead the ones who bring positive change and brighter futures.

May your ‘impossible’ of 2016 become your successful innovation of 2017!

Management – Like Love – Means Letting Go

I usually address bright, big picture topics, but this time circumstances have brought it very close to home. I hope you won’t mind.

In the early evening of Sunday, August 30, after many years of declining health, my husband of 33 years went gentle into that good night.

Those who were close knew Barry as an incredibly loving person, but he was still quite able to rage against social inequalities and injustices – whether big (think slavery, 9/11, or Rwanda), or small.

He had no way to address holocausts, but he did have a constructive response to the slights and rudeness and dismissive behaviors he observed against those who could not fight back. And the fact that there were good reasons for not fighting back – potential loss of livelihood, or even life itself – is what truly raised his ire.

These days, a management consultant might praise Barry’s approach as ‘scalable, repeatable, and sustainable.’ He simply showed people he cared. He modeled respect; not just tolerance. Even the most downtrodden would have his full engagement for as long as civil discourse continued, after which he would politely withdraw. And that, it turns out, was the greatest management lesson I ever learned: to withdraw. To be silent. To let go.

How often are management problems – like personal relationship problems – caused by the inability to just let go?

Case in point: I know someone who works in the innovation department of a huge company. The job description is, basically, find exciting and cool stuff, and report on it. So when I found an exciting and cool article on a very respected website, I sent this very hard worker the link.

I got an immediate response…but not the one I was expecting. It went something like, ‘<expletive deleted!!>, they won’t let us access that site. Actually, most everything is blocked. Makes it really hard to do my job.’

At some point – who knows when or why – someone decided that the company needed to control where people go, and what they see, on the web. Now that choice is obsolete and obstructive to the company’s own desire to innovate and grow. And yet, no one is letting it go.

Just saying.

Personal relationships are much the same. Really, if you have to hold on tight to control your partner, how whole can they be? And how good is that for you?

A very wise person said to me, “when we are infants our hands are curled up; when we grow old, they are relaxed open.” When I heard it, I thought, that is equally true of our maturity as managers.

In the end, there was no holding Barry back from his final journey. Even if there was, it’s not the way he would have wanted me – or him – to manage it.

Three Ways to Fail at Managing Teams

I grew up in a home where both mom and dad were active union members, and it gave me a clear message about working life: there is labor, and there is management. Labor’s job is to make stuff happen. Management’s job is to oppress labor.

I was fine with that worldview for a long time. But eventually, I grew up and, somewhere along the line, I became management. I even got to like being management. The funny thing is that my parents, the union loyalists, are the ones I have to thank for that. Here’s why: they didn’t just teach me that oppression was a bad thing. They also made me realize that it can be just as bad for the oppressor as it is for the oppressed.

Oppression is the hallmark of bad management. It’s the butt of Dilbertesque jokes about pointy haired bosses and evil functionaries, and it’s the bane of workers at all levels of organizations. Typically, oppressors are actively engaged in doing what they do, so it’s easy to vilify them for committing crimes against the workplace.

Sins of commission by management are many. Sins of omission are few, but they can be every bit as demoralizing. Here are three that I will address ad seriatum. (That’s Latin for, ‘I’m going to do this one at a time, because hitting you with all three, and no breaks in between, would be seriously uncool.’)

First, there is failure to observe. You might remember something like this happening early in your working life. It happened to Stacy on the very first job.

The team had a serious problem. Stacy was new, and bright, and identified a solution. It was simple, and it would have worked, but the manager couldn’t see it. Boss only saw Stacy, barely 21 years old, too new to know the score, and without a resume to provide credibility. Being laughed at and chided for offering such a naïve opinion was deeply humiliating, and to this day Stacy is reluctant to make suggestions.

Second: failure to nurture. Ari works as an analyst in the innovation department of a huge maker of scientific products. Ari applied three times for the company’s ‘high potential’ program, but the manager never followed through, and Ari was passed over each time. Ari is creative, smart, and well liked. The manager is not. Did the manager feel threatened, or was it just laziness? No matter. Ari has given up.

And third: failure to acknowledge. And herein lies a particularly sad story. Morgan has been in a supervisory position in a critical function of an organization for over two years. If you ask the team members, you’ll get nothing but glowing reports. But the manager gives no recognition, or support, or praise of any kind. Morgan feels unliked, weak, and fearful of job loss. Despite having opportunities to leave, and to move up, Morgan stays. Why? Because Morgan is there to serve the team and does not give up easily. And also because, in leaving, the team would no longer have a shield from the icy chill of the boss’ indifference.

Many failures are just learning experiences, but the failure of management to team well – as exemplified here – causes real damage.

So, if your work experience resonates strongly with that of Stacy, or Ari, or Morgan… or their managers! – then beware. When leaders fail to team, they eventually lead a business to fail.